Parents Getting a Divorce
Parents divorce for many reasons. Generally, divorce happens when couples feel that they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they married has changed. Divorce can also occur as one parent falls in love with someone else, and sometimes it could be due to a serious problem like drinking, abusing or gambling. For whatever reasons, parentsí getting a divorce is not a pleasant situation for their kids.
Some kids feel guilty about the situation and wish they had prevented arguments by co-operating more within the family, behaving properly or getting better grades. Generally, separation and divorce are a result of a coupleís problems with each other, and not with their kids.
Things to Remember
- Although your parents are separating, they would still be your mom and dad. They would be separating from each other, not from you or their responsibilities towards you.
- Never take sides. You might be compelled to stand up for one parent over the other because you may feel that the other parent was wrong. But itís not a good idea. Itís best to stay away from any conversation that would place you in a position to choose any oneís side. Doing this would prevent the disaffection of the other parent.
- Itís not up to you to try and get them back together as you are not the cause of your parentís divorce. You can improve your behavior and make your parents happy, but that doesnít mean that they will get married again.
- You shouldnít relay messages between your parents as they are not together anymore such as discussing your motherís life with your father upon his request. This could make you feel uncomfortable and your parents should be able to know that. In such a case, tell them to speak directly to each other instead of you.
- No one expects you to be normal in such a situation. This is a difficult phase in oneís life and it helps to talk about this situation to someone you trust such as your favorite teacher, dearest friend or a counselor. Sometimes, it helps just to have someone to listen.
- The future doesnít have to be bleak, although you might feel uncertain about your future. Always try to look at the brighter side. Things might seem to be tense now, but as time passes things would settle down between your parents.
Thinking of your parents getting a divorce is not a good feeling at all. Your emotions could change frequently and you could feel stressed out, angry frustrated or sad. These feelings are very natural and talking about them with a friend or a trusted adult can really help you.
Family matters after parents getting a divorce donít always run smoothly, but if you communicate freely about your feelings with your parents, things would be a lot better. Always try to be open-minded and helpful to them in trying to make things work. Remember, they are also going through a change in their lives and in this situation; they would always appreciate your concern and co-operation.
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